I write to remember.

I found this in my notes app last night. Coincidentally it was written about a year ago, and coincidentally we are still building the same beautiful life. I write because I want to remember, just like I take too many photos; because I want to remember. My memory is weak and my biggest fear in life is that I will someday forget all of the small and simple, yet incredibly valuable moments that I share with my family.  I don’t remember the Baphomet uterus in the sky that I wrote about this night, but if I keep writing, I can keep reliving the beautiful life we have built, and I think my heart will be content with that.

Tonight Randall worked out and I did some yoga poolside. Afterwards he did some night swimming and I laid in the hammock finding objects in the clouds. 

I saw baphomet. But his horns were like fallopian tubes. 

It was a baphomet uterus.

I saw a dog, a fully flexed arm,

A fish, an elephant head, and a perfectly cut out heart with a star in the middle.

We talked about life. 

Our dreams.

What we want to manifest.

It’s not riches or items, just enough money that we can spend our time in our home that we love, creating. We want to just live, in our little haven house and write books and watch the grass grow. We’ll tend to our garden and finally use the compost that has been processing the scraps of meals gone by.  

It will be our love garden.

I will make my own clothes again, and Randall will use his screen printing studio. We will bake, we will draw, and we will spend many days and night is the solace of our bed together.

We will be slaves to this society just a little less. 

Money really is freedom in this world. 

But even if I can’t retire young and live a free life creating, even if I work until I’m 80, I will still appreciate my life for what it is. 

A perfectly brutiful masterpiece of love and tragedy, a true story of one family’s love for each other. I know for a fact that the love and care that Randall and I have put into this home and into this family will leave a legacy for eternity.