Who is God to you?

                                                                                                                                           March 12, 2025 

Dear Diary, 

“I will love you, Lord, my strength; the Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer. My God, my strength, in whom I will trust, my shield, and the horns of my salvation. My stronghold.” Psalm 18:1,2

Who is God to you?

This was my Facebook status on this day in 2010. 

Who is God to you? 

Funny I should ask..

“God” means something very different to me now than it did in 2010. Back then, I was deeply entrenched in a patriarchal religious system, where both worldly and godly male figures held authority over me, supposedly for my own good and for the good of this ‘God.’

I went along with it. I believed it even…to my core.

The church really got me at a time when I was very vulnerable and seeking love. God’s love for me fit the hole in my heart, and it was an epic love story for about 15 years. Because I sought truth in all I believed, I devoured my Bible, my Bible concordance, and a series of Stormie Omartian books.

I raised my children on Veggie Tales and James Dobson.

We did not celebrate Halloween or watch Harry Potter.

We prayed. We kept sweet, and we prayed.

But my life has been a journey, you see, 

And because I sought truth, I left the church. Because it didn’t add up. The pages of my bible are falling apart. They are an art piece of understanding and unfolding and evolution. I loved the Lord to my core. I have felt the power of the Holy Spirit resonate within me through prayer, and I have encountered dark entities that I cast out in Jesus’ name. They fled, furthering my devotion to the one true God. I didn’t just attend church, I prayed in my closet, and I wept, and I pleaded, and I served. I tithed, and I put Jesus and others above myself, and I stayed married out of obligation. I went to church on Sunday and Wednesday, connect group on Tuesday, bible study on Friday, and did service projects on Saturdays. My kids were in the church choir, Awana, Christmas plays, Kids Connect, and Christian social homeschool groups. I lived my faith. I loved the Lord, my God.

I didn’t question history much because I never really learned it. I never really learned it because I never really engaged. I never really engaged because my teacher put a set of notes on the overhead projector, to which we had a paper copy, and we would take turns reading aloud while the rest of the class slept. And I grew up in a town with literally no stoplights. Population, 1,000. It was the 90s, so we didn’t have phones or the internet. Even if people in the city had those things during those times, we never could. I never had a cell phone until I was in my 20s and moved off that mountain. So, not a ton of resources for learning on my own…

Fast forward to 2014 or 2015. I was a server at the Olive Garden and oftentimes would sit in the back dining room, “Chianti,” when we were slow. I made friends and real connections back in those booths. I vividly remember a conversation with a coworker one slow afternoon, where she told me that she used to be a devout catholic but chose a different path. I think I had already begun questioning my religion and the governing authority of it all. After all, I was raised by a father who taught me ALWAYS to question authority, and my religion was the one place I made an exception. In my heart, I truly believed in the teachings of Jesus and understood His love for humanity, but the way government was woven into the structure of religion did not sit well with me. 

I was and always have been a truth seeker.

So I asked her, “What made you leave the church?”

She so casually and nonchalantly replied, “Studying history.” Then, she bit her breadstick like it was nothing.

Sometimes, we underestimate the things we say to people. I bet she doesn’t even remember that conversation, but it was a profound revelation of knowledge to me. Remember, I grew up under a rock…I understood history as it pertained to the Bible and what I had learned in church. I never really questioned it….Dare I research history outside of the church’s biblical teachings???

I did, here and there. Until the here and there turned into another journey that is actually still unfolding. 

I did end up leaving it all in early 2018. January, a new year, the holidays were over, and I was ready to set my plan in motion. I rebelled against the patriarchal system I was so deeply enthralled in. It took all of the courage in me, but I did it. It’s funny how so many of your Christian friends don’t really like to keep in touch once you are a divorced backslider. How very unlike Jesus, that is.

Anyway….

7 years later, (The number of divinity) March of 2025…

Who is God to me?

God is the source of everything—me, you, the trees, the clouds, the birds, the spoon. But God is me, and God is you. Because God is all things, the source is all things. Jesus taught, “The kingdom of God is within you.” He said, “I and the Father are one.” He went to be alone to seek enlightenment. He had to be alone because he had to be quiet. He had to be quiet because he had to go within. And he had to go within because that is where enlightenment lies. Within us, where God resides. We can move mountains if we have faith as small as a mustard seed. We are powerful creatures who can do all He did and more. Every religion and every belief system tries to get closer to God/ Source. They are all trying to explain spirituality in a way that makes sense because we all understand that we are more than just these human beings. But God, to me, is no longer someone to be feared and revered in a magical place called heaven. 

No.

That is religion.

God is me, and God is you. 

God is our connectedness to each other and our planet, Mother Earth. 

God is the creator, but I am God, so I am the creator. I created this life.

This illusion.

God is the shape of sound, the sentience of water.

God is the Shuman resonance and the architect of vibration and light.

Underneath this body, I am only energy. That is God.

God is the fabric of the dream and the dreamer, the breath of the eternal, and the awareness behind the eyes. 

The consciousness within us all, the sacred geometry of reality unfolding.

God is the fire, God is the forest, and God is the witness watching it.

The great I am.

God is me. God is the spoon. I am the spoon.

I am the light. I am the frequency. I am the resonance.